The joys of a four year old!

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I was stood at the checkout in the grocery store with my four year old yesterday, when he decided to start looking through the trolley and provide a running commentary to everyone waiting in the queue.

After asking what everything was at the top of his voice for about 5 minutes, he suddenly turned to me and asked “MUMMY, why don’t we have any wine in here? It’s your favourite drink!”

*forced smile*

“Don’t be silly darling, that’s Daddy”

The joys of a four year old!

K x

 

Coffee mornings suck!

Today I had my first “School Mums”coffee morning.  I was really worried about it after my epic fail on the Whatsapp group; but thankfully no one mentioned my love of all things boozy, so we were all good.

I did learn a few things about myself though, including the fact that I really don’t know how to tone myself down, nor do I know when to keep things to myself.

I actually think I am worse when I am nervous; I sort of roll in on my big white something and start proclaiming my love for things and divulging way too much information for someone who has literally said “hello” to only 30% of the people there!

I know that this makes me…well me, but sometimes I would love to be the demure woman in the corner who sips her latte and looks amused when someone tells a joke and just the right amount of shocked when someone shares a secret.

Today I found myself letting a complete stranger know that I was desperate for baby number two, when I haven’t even shared those emotions with my best friends.

Imagine her internal horror when I introduced myself, took one look at all the other mums and their Baby Number Twos and then decided to tell her how fed up I am. Of course, I did it in my usual jokey tongue in cheek way, but she still probably wanted to run for the hills (or at least to the other end of table!)

I don’t think I had even allowed myself to think about this up until today. I regularly decide to man up, count my blessings and stop getting sad about something that I can’t control.

I know that I am probably ‘trying too hard’ as everyone loves to tell me and that it ‘will probably just happen’, but it doesn’t stop me from the monthly “oh fuck” when I get those dreaded cramps.

Yep, so apparently it only took a coffee morning for me to face the fact that I want another baby so much I want to go home, stick on Adele’s 25 album, open a kingsize Lindt bar and cry for an hour solid.

Coffee mornings suck!

K x

The joys of feeling better

I am feeling so much better this week and have been making the most of having no stomach ache (4 days in a row I woke with no pain…hurrah!)
I have been enjoying playing with my son and having conversations with my husband and friends that don’t start off with the words “God, I feel like shit today”.
So much so I’ve been racing home from work to get to the community park and enjoy this nice weather we are having now that the Summer is over. ‎
I appear to be the embarrassing Mum once ‎again. Climbing up a slide with a broom to get a superhero from on top of the shade on Tuesday and then falling flat on my back off the swing as I balanced 2 children on my lap on the Wednesday!
I don’t only embarrass him when he’s around either. The class representative started a whatsapp group on Thursday and in my excitement to meet the new mums I immediately sent “hey! Is this where we arrange a mums night?!” (with the flamenco dancer emoji!!!)
Now considering the school had messaged us with the details of this group I probably should have realised that this was a more formal group than one that arranges drunken nights out where we all complain about how crap our lives are….no I probably should have sensed the tone.
So I shouldn’t have ‎ been surprised when I got a rather curt message back telling me that it is probably best to start with a coffee. Oh the shame!!!
So now all of the mums think I am a lush! Poor Mason!
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An example of the embarrassing antics of his parents!

I was thinking of taking a selection of ‎miniatures to the coffee morning as a joke. But I reckon I’m already on shaky ground and as I’m new to all this PTA protocol, I’m best just turning up and keeping my mouth shut! 
 
Ahhhhhh the joys of feeling better!
 
Kay x‎

 

Shameful selfies and confessions!

I had a pretty rough week last week.

I was laid up for a couple days firstly drinking 4 litres of laxative in order to prepare for my gastroscopy and colonoscopy; then recovering from the effects of the procedure that left me feeling as though I was coming down from the high of my life.

I didn’t actually realise how high I was until I started reading the whatsapp messages I had sent from the hospital bed as I came around. What an embarrassment!

I was sending selfies, explaining the procedure, making arrangements for the weekend in an over the top gleeful manner and to top it off I told my friend I had a sex dream about her!! Who does that?!

Me apparently.

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Shameful hospital selfie! Cringe!

Not only did I manage to make 15000 plans that I had no chance of sticking to, I messaged people I haven’t been in touch with in ages just to say “Hi!”

But after the high, of course comes the low.

Upon arriving home,  I had a mini meltdown that my son’s nanny hadn’t taken him out for the day and all my plans of lying in bed and watching 15 seasons of Grey’s Anatomy re-runs were coming to a screeching halt. DAMN!

I can’t hide my feelings at the best of times, but looking back, I realise the drugs make me mega bitch!

I then went into miserable mode for….oh like two days. I felt like a crap parent for always being ill, I was a crap wife for always complaining, hated that I’m restricted in my diet, that I had to cancel the gym. You know the usual crap when you’re feeling sorry for yourself….if anything, that’s when you know you’re getting better when you start resembling the male species dealing with man-flu!

So I finally got over it (and myself) by giving myself a pep talk, swallowing some concrete and toughening the f**k up!

Only for my cat to get run over and die! Seriously, what was with last week?!

Yep, perhaps a bit of a crappy week but it could be worse. I mean, they could have mixed up the gastroscopy tool with the colonoscopy tool right?!

Ciao x

Now, where did I put my Spiralizer?

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I’m off to the Doctor’s today to find out why I’ve had three weeks of discomfort, pain and the dreaded BLOATING!!

I know what he will tell me, it’s the same every time I have a flare up. I do, however like to go along just for the reassurance that it isn’t some sort of horrific incurable illness that will have me making my last dying wishes within a couple weeks.

You know how it is, you google a symptom…..

Anyway, at present it feels as though I have been pumped up like a tyre overnight and because I am so self obsessed aware, I only just managed to drag myself out of the house to see other humans this morning. The shame of the bloat!

At least when you scoff a burger and fries down your neck and get the bloat it is worth it, but oh no, I get to chomp down kale and avocado day after day and I am still bloody getting it.

I would like to pretend that this Paleo regime is hitting the spot as much a deep pan pepperoni pizza with extra cheese would; but I am over the honeymoon “we love Paleo” period and instead am two years in and missing cheese, bread, pasta and Pot Noodles more than you can imagine.

Even so, I continue to forge ahead in this mission to eat cleanly and exercise regularly to alleviate the side effects of this life long pain in my ass and to be honest, I can’t even look at a bagel with cream cheese without getting the Crohn’s throb!

I see these photos of women all over the World living the dream on their Paleo diets, Instagramming their Salads in a Jar made from organic produce and their homegrown veggies. I admire them, I really do, but what I really want to do, instead of pressing the Heart Button, is post the comment “what would you do now, for a cheeseboard and a glass of wine?”

I know they love it, I know they look great, but seriously, no one can love Salad in a Jar that much!

Surely they watch their husbands chow down chicken burgers with all the trimmings and want to rip the bun off their plate and devour every single crumb? Surely they go to work and watch all their colleagues devour their pasta salads and full fat coke and drift into a CocaCola Coma?

Surely some days they just want to order the ‘real option’ instead of the ‘clean option’?

I suppose we won’t ever know. We only get a little glimpse on their Instagram feeds. We don’t see the temptation, the will power, the bad days, the good days, the “I can’t be bothered with the treadmill” days.

Hats off to them getting up every day and spreading the Paleo Love. I wish I had the energy to!

Now, where did I put my Spiralizer?!

 

K x

 

 

 

Extra hour in bed!

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This morning, I was the most organised I have been in weeks.

Packed lunches ready? Check.

School uniform ironed and out ready? Check.

Alarm set for prompt early get wake up call? Check.

Showered and dressed ready for child to wake? Check.

I really couldn’t believe how well I had done and was congratulating myself on my accomplishments as a parent, as I bent over to run my son’s bath.

From out of nowhere, I was suddenly drowned by the water spurting out of the shower head that was aimed right at me; yet instead of jumping out of the way, I proceeded to scream and get drenched before shutting off the water.

I then spent the next 20 minutes running around drying my hair, re-applying make up and telling everyone how I wish they would switch the lever back to the bath function every time!

I don’t know why I bother.

From now on, I will just give myself that extra hour in bed!

K x

 

Things could be worse!

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Hands up if you hate the ulcers that Crohn’s decides to throw at us, more than anything else some days?!

MEEEEE!!!

Today I honestly feel like I could do with a rubber ring. I have been making dodgy moves to conceal how uncomfortable I am for the past 5 hours in a meeting…with Executives! I really must look like a pillock sometimes.

Good grief, at least with the stomach ache you can tell people about what is going on (within reason, not Kayleigh style!); but when it comes to the ulcers though, you can barely shout out “yeah, walking like a chicken about to lay an egg, due to the fact my arse feels like it is about to fall out”.

Wouldn’t really go down too well would it?! People don’t want to hear “no, I’m not doing too well today”, never mind that much detail.

Crohn’s is not conducive to my motor mouth ways!!

I could be married to someone as pleasant as an itchy butthole though; so you know, things could be worse!

K xx